Insatiable
Insatiable. What better wine to pair with “Naked Pasta?’ I quickly sent a text and photo to both “chef” and “date” – two friends in Tulsa rustling up veggies, salmon and pasta. Caught in iPhone photo-taking mode by the Safeway wine sommelier, I tossed a bottle in my cart and pushed on. The Chardonnay is currently “cellared” in my flat waiting for the right moment – kind of like me 25 years ago. I was a 26-year old virgin waiting for “the one.” Once uncorked I had the abandon of a genie released from a bottle. I was exclusive but insatiable!
Released a second time on the dating scene, a quarter of a century later, I wondered what to expect and how I’d react. How had time and experience possibly changed me? I knew enough to know I had set sail wanting it all but how would I steer my ship on the journey. Would I drift, would I seek safe harbors, would my itinerary include varied ports of call?
Questions expanded to include: What did men and women, after years of marriage, think and expect? Were there still double standards for the genders? Did mature adults “hook up” like today’s teens? Was there license or a pattern of using someone “casually” to buffer the ache of the initial bottomless hurt of a ended, long-term relationship? Could well-adjusted adults enjoy unexpected couplings without fear of such casual sex branding them with “a fear of intimacy?” Had sexless* or loveless marriages created pent up desire? Were men and women “wired” differently? In my age group, was there an expectation of “serial monogamy ” or attitude of free-for-all exploration? Was a new biological clock ticking?
Nudes & Whimsy thru July 29th at Pearl Gallery Tulsa.
What criteria did a tender-hearted, romantic woman who the first time around waited for “the one,” use now to navigate dating at 51?
As I pondered, I listened to peers further along in the journey. They had much to say. One discovery surprised me. I guess some things never change; intelligent people are having unprotected sex. To quote one of my favorite Arkansas sages, “I tell my kids when you are with someone, you are with everyone that person has ever been with.” I raised a son who knows better than to take such risks. On this front the brain should be captaining the ship through relationships.
As for the rest, there are as many “right” answers as individuals. I personally still lean toward mind, heart and body working in harmony and not conflict. I still want it all. I thought I had it a second time as I found myself in a head-first free fall a year ago. Turned out there was no water in the pool and even my optimism smarted from the impact but I learned I could fall again – much more than I imagined possible before the experience. A year later I am further away from “married”, no longer madly in love and starting to date. A few experiences tell me I haven’t changed and I don’t want to rush or be rushed. This time is an opportunity. As I muddle through I know I will make some great male friends I’ll grow to love and if I’m lucky, when I least expect it, I’ll fall a third time. Hopefully it will be the charm because if I’ve learned anything, I’ve learned I am programmed to desire and thrive with someone very special in my life. I may never marry again but in the days ahead my life won’t be just about work and staying home alone unless, like last night, a night in with a Papa Murphy’s pizza, wine and a tear-jerker episode of “Glee” fits the bill most perfectly for recharging my spirit so when I do answer those match.com emails I give each my best.
Just in: Lots of fascinating fact and thought-provoking theory in this New Yorker article. http://nymag.com/relationships/sex/47055/ I just found linked to a Times article a reader sent me. *Quantified in article!
Also – visit The Pearl Gallery! 1201 East 3rd St. Tulsa, OK 74120 918.588.1500
Hours: Tues.- Fri. 11-5 www.pearlgallerytulsa.com
As always, Tracey